The Guilt Factor
It’s a well know fact that I am a harborer of guilt. My husband and family consistently remind me not to dwell on things and that I am up in my head too much. When it comes to being a working Mom it tends to manifest itself a little like this: get home from work after ridiculous traffic, realize I only have two and a half hours to spend with my boys until they go to bed, ignore all other responsibilities until after they are in bed at which time I feel like I have been run over by a bus. Spend next two hours cleaning/doing work/chores until I fall into bed calculating exactly how much sleep I can get if they only wake up one time each during the night. My guilt is not only over not getting to spend much time with them during the week but there is also guilt about not getting to some of the chores, and of course not having a whole lot of energy left for my husband.
Before I had children I used to hear parents talk about sacrifice. I really believed (in my own selfish view of the world) that they were speaking of all the fun and spontaneous things they would have to give up in order to be a responsible parent. What I didn’t know until living through it is that the sacrifice is more about being able to let yourself give all that you can to all of the areas of your life that are important and to not beat yourself up about not being all things to everyone at all times. What you are really sacrificing is your own ideal of who you “should” be and finding out what you’re really capable of. I am still working on accepting that.
June 19th, 2007 at 2:08 am
I know exactly what you mean.